I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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