he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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