HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
