is your mom at the bar?
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
