Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
