i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
