hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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