smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
