walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
