You smell like stripper and shame
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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