FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
