You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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