a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
