so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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