I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
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I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Randomize