I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
