I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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