Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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