dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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