You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
