I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
