Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish I only lived at night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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