Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
