My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
