we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
