i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
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And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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