I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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