Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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