just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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