I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
