i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
