omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
