i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
