Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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