my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
