you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
