a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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