I would go down on you faster than GM stock
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
