I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
