based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
