moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
