Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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