All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
