so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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