I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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