I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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