So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Alive.
So much puke
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
soo... how was my night?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
