So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
