Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize