You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
