Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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