Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
