totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
