if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
