god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
