dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
