Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
