I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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