he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
