Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
