Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
