Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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