don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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