I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
