Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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