Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
