Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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