I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
