my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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