What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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