Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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