Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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