just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
