Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
