I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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