well you can't waste a boner
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
