Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
In America we eat man semen.
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He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
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I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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