i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
