Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
